Ten rules for Submissives
Be patient! A
potential top will let you know if he is interested in you or not. Keep in
mind that your purpose as a submissive is to serve and to
satisfy someone who will take into consideration the
realization of your fantasies. Don't expect your top
to be able to turn on like a light switch. The timing
must be right for both of you.
Be humble. You
may be God's gift to the world and the most sought
after prize in town, but no one needs to hear it or wants to hear it. You
will have ample opportunity to show how good you are.
No matter what you claim, the "real you" will show
through in a scene. Don't set yourself up for failure by
developing expectations that you know you and your top can
Be open. You
can learn something about SM and about yourself from everyone
into the scene, no matter how experienced or inexperienced
they are, or how dominant or submissive they are. SM
is a very personal art, and an "I already know it all"
attitude will make you miss valuable SM lessons and experiences,
and ignore potentially valuable SM friends.
Verbalization is necessary, but at the appropriate time and in
the appropriate way. Your top needs to know basic information
about you, such as experiences, fantasies, health
concerns, and turn-offs. But - unless it's an
emergency - wait until your top asks. Don't expect your dominant to be a
mind-reader who instinctively knows your needs, wants, and
limits. Your cooperation will enhance the scene for
both of you.
Don't be afraid to share your needs and fantasies. Your dominant
expects it. Honesty about your health concerns, and turn-offs
is essential to a good scene. Lying or being less than
candid can only lead to problems, as the top will base
the scene on inaccurate information. Besides causing
problems, it can be dangerous.
Your scene is a two-way street. It is not just the physical
realization of your prior fantasies. If you want to limit
your experience to certain physical and psychological
stimulation, then contract with your top ahead of
time. But don't always expect your top to be a puppet in a fantasy
play you've written in your head. It's far better to let your
top you've written in your head. It's far better to
let your top surprise you, to extend your limits, to
take you to places you're never been before. When you trust
your top completely, let him know it, and let him guide you
to new fantasies.
Your dominant is human, and even the most experienced tops have
moments of awkwardness and indecision. Don't call attention
to what you perceive as a lapse. Know the difference
between reality and the fantasy world you see in books
and magazines. Few tops are rich enough to afford a
large dungeon with a lavish layout of equipment. Your top's equipment is
expensive - respect it and don't abuse it.
submissive! This is the whole point. Let your dominant take you over
completely. Don't coach or second guess or be critical of
your top. Exchange information on your special needs
before the scene starts, but once it starts be quiet!
If you insist on running a scene to your own specifications, then
you should try being a top. You have agreed to limitations of
your own power. Stay within those limitations. Respect
and obey your top and expect punishment if you don't.
Accept it gracefully and cheerfully. Your top has many things
to be concerned with, including your safety and what turns
you on. Be loyal and dependable and enjoy your role.
SM, like any strenuous activity, requires that its participants -
both active and passive - be in top physical and emotional
health. The amount you sleep, your eating habits, your
alcohol and drug intake, and everyday stress affect
your response and endurance during a scene. Your dominant needs
to know when your physical or emotional energy is low. No
matter how tempting a scene sounds, an "I want it all
now" attitude when you aren't able to give your all
will leave both of you feeling let down. You serve your dominant and
yourself best by staying healthy.
After all, sex is all about having a good time. You have earned and
you are entitled to the unique, intense pleasure which comes
from responsible, creative SM play.