Ten rules for Dominants
1
Be patient! Until
you enter into a contract with a submissive, you have no more right to order
him around than does anyone else. Give your bottom time to get to know you
and what you are like. Finesse and subtlety are major elements of dominance.
Similarly, strength and gentleness go hand in hand.
The sensitivity and
awareness (or lack thereof) that you show in the real world is likely to be
repeated in the playroom.
2
Be humble. You
may be God's gift to the world, but no one needs to
hear it or wants to hear it. You will have ample opportunities to show how
good you are - and plenty of opportunities to make a fool of
yourself. No matter what you claim, the "real you"
will show through in a scene. Don't set yourself up
for a failure by developing expectations that you know you can
never reach.
3
Be open.
Although the top is classically considered to be the teacher in SM,
you can always learn from your bottom, no matter how
inexperienced. Be willing to learn from other
dominants who may have a totally different perspective
from yours. Try to approach by-now-familiar trips with an attitude of
wonderment and discovery. Be aware that everyone has her or
his own personal style.
4
Communicate!
You are responsible for finding out basic, essential information
about the people you play with, such as experience, limits,
likes and dislikes, and health information. Playing SM
without this knowledge is like Russian roulette. Talk
about your head-space and your view of SM with your bottom, so
that any uncertainties can be dealt with before you start
playing. Clearly spell out roles, rules, limits, and
contracts. Do not take for granted that your bottom
instinctively knows the ground rules.
5
Be honest. If
you lack experience in an area that your bottom would like to
experiment with, be honest about it. Your partner has a right
to know that.
Be honest with
yourself and take your submissive only to those levels at which
you are completely in control of the situation. Safety should
always be the first concern, taking priority over how
hot a particular scene is.
6
Be sensitive.
There's a very fine line between a sensitive, caring dominant
and a self-righteous, insensitive overbearing clod. Your
scene should be a creative synthesis of your needs and
fantasies and your bottom's needs and fantasies.
Although, on the surface, your submissive is serving you, what
actually is happening is that dominant and submissive are
serving each other.
7
Earn the
complete trust of your submissive and never violate or even threaten
to violate that trust. His0 submission is a gift to you. Use
it appropriately.
Be realistic.
End the scene with the bottom wanting more, not wishing there
had been less. Remember that power, control, and sensitivity
are the keys, not just the intensity of the
stimulation. Be clear about what is fantasy, and has
little to do with what works in practice. Your favorite porno picture books
may be stimulating in themselves, but don't try to imitate
them to the last detail.
8
Be really
dominant! Submissives are looking for someone who will take over
their body and mind, not just for brute strength. Real people
are wanted, not just cardboard images from cigarette
ads or macho stereotypes. Your dominance enhances your
whole existence. It does not cover up or substitute for other
areas of your life - it is you. Make your submissive fall in
love with you, and expect him to give him/herself up
to you totally. Follow up on rules, expect obedience,
and punish appropriately when it is called for. Don't
shirk your responsibility to your bottom or to your fellow tops. Be
dependable and expect dependability. You have agreed to take
the dominant role - now take it!
9
Be healthy!
Like any strenuous activity, SM requires that its participants be
in top physical and emotional health. Many factors, including
the amount you sleep, your eating habits, and your
alcohol and drug intake affect your performance and
endurance during a scene. Don't attempt to do SM when your
physical or emotional energy is low. As a dominant you have a
special responsibility to be in control of yourself
and on top of the scene. An attitude of "drugs and
alcohol don't affect me that much... I can do it
anyway" violates your submissive's trust in you and can be dangerous. If you
don't want to accept the responsibilities, you shouldn't be
playing the game!
10
Have fun!
After all, sex is all about having a good time. You have earned,
and you are entitled to the unique, intense pleasures which
come from responsible, creative SM play.
